Well, the decision has finally been made. I will not be running the New Jersey Marathon.
How did I get to that final decision?
For those of you who follow my little blog on a regular basis you know how hard this training season has been for me health-wise. That kidney stone is one tough mother. It survived the shockwave procedure. I still experience sharp pains when I try to run hard.
Now let’s throw in how I have been feeling about this marathon. After initially being excited about it my heart just wasn’t into this. My long runs, which I normally enjoy, were chores. My running should never feel like that.
The stress I was feeling from not being able to train consistently and at the level where I felt it should be at was taking a toll. I was becoming incredibly depressed and not very forgiving of myself. I was in a horrible funk that not even my closest friends could get me out of it.
Before this past weekend’s NYC Half Marathon I had an idea of what I wanted to do. My first goal was to run the race at my marathon goal pace and my second was to complete it with same pace that I finished the NYC Marathon. In the back of my mind I sort of knew these would both be very hard to accomplish and knew I would soon make the decision not pull out of the NJ Marathon.
At about mile six I knew I would not be able to run the race my goal pace for the marathon and then at mile eight I knew I would not be able to meet my second goal pace. It was then that I knew I would not run the marathon.
But the great thing is that instead of feeling bummed out I felt a tremendous sense of relief. Granted I still tried to at least hit my second goal but I was ok if I did not make it. By the time I hit the Battery Tunnel I knew it for sure and I was still ok with it.
After the race I told my best buddy, the one who has dealt head on with my depression over my training that I wanted to run the NJ Half Marathon with her. She’s on board.
I still don’t think I ran a great half marathon but I did get a course PR so that is at least something and I’m satisfied with that. I know I have more work to do but at least I don’t have the weight of a marathon I don’t want to run on my shoulders.
I’m not sure if a spring marathon will be in my future with unpredictable winters but we’ll see. Right now I’m looking forward to running my 20th half marathon in Sleepy Hollow with Doreen (see above about best buddy) and just enjoying it. No goals for this one expect to have fun.
I don’t have any goals for the NJ Half either but do plan on training harder for the Brooklyn Half in May. But I still have to go through round two of this kidney stone procedure so I also know that I have to be more realistic about what I can accomplish at this time.
My realistic goals for right now are to be a little less harder on myself, refocus on my running, rest my body a bit, and just enjoy the fact that I can run.