So yes, the second week of my marathon training is in the books.
The week started off well with my first official cross-training bike ride. I survived! I’m still getting used to my new bike, Betty. She is really a nice ride but it has been quite a while since I have done some serious cycling and it may take me just as long to get used to serious cycling again. At some point during this time I became afraid of high speed and going down hills. I can’t pinpoint when this started since I haven’t really been cycling in some time but I do know that when I start planning routes I’m actively thinking about potential hills that I think I can climb and then ride back down, then I start having a mild anxiety attack.
I had planned a different route for this morning with fewer cars but it rained a lot last night and the roads were still very wet. Enter anxiety issue number 2. Since I’m still getting used to the bike I decided not to head out this morning for fear of crashing. I’ll try to get out later this week if only because I already miss riding Betty. (hmmm, that didn’t sound quite right.)
Running as been fine. I’m still not at the pace I would like to be at (anxiety issue number 3) but then again this is really my second week of running consistently in some time. I have to remember that it is going to take some time to get back to where I want to be.
But overall, I’ve just been feeling anxious about so many things this past week and just haven’t been able to just relax and process everything that I’m feeling anxious about. Normally running would help with this but my anxiety levels have been so high that running is only bringing them down a less-anxious level instead of helping me relax. Count this as anxieties 4, 5, 6…
It’s hard to feel settled when you come into work on a Monday morning and learn that one of your volunteers died suddenly the day before. Sad and disturbing when you were hoping a new week would bring fresh perspective. I wish I could pinpoint everything that is causing the anxiety but right now a good deal of it is a mystery. Some I do know and will keep that from the blogosphere so that I can deal with it properly. But I just really wish I would be able to relax a bit.
In the meantime, I’m just plugging away with my running and it feels as though my legs are getting back into the swing of things. My hope is that if I can at least get one thing in proper working order other things will follow.