On April 3rd my mother passed away. I’m finding that there is no easier way to say this than to just say it. Sort of like ripping off the band-aid really fast.
There are times when I feel like I’m at the stage of having good days and bad days but more often than not it’s more like I’m having good moments and bad moments, although the good moments are lasting a little longer.
My running, as been nearly non-existent and when I have run it hasn’t been great. Right now I have absolutely no feelings about running and this scares me. The one thing that has gotten me through normal days, happy days, and sad days just feels like a chore right now. I’m forcing myself to run but I feel out of shape because I haven’t been running and I don’t like the feeling of pretending it’s making me feel better.
I’m desperately trying to salvage the Brooklyn my doing some sort of training. I bailed on a 12 mile long run this weekend just to get an extra hour of sleep because I haven’t been sleeping well at all. The weekend before I did a very slow and grueling 10 mile long run. I’m supposed to 12 miles this weekend so we’ll see how that turns out.
I am incredibly fortunate to have the people in my life that I do. They have been rocks for me but I worry about leaning too much on them.
Right now I just feel overwhelmed by so many things. I’m trying not to withdraw and isolate which is my natural tendency but I feel as though I have over done it with socializing and keeping busy. It is a very tough balance.
But for now I think I need just a bit of some down time to try and find that balance. I hope that the next time I blog I can tell you how much I love running again.
I cannot offer any advice, only my support. My parents are living but I often feel fear when the phone rings.
Run when you can. It will help clear your head and help you work through things. Don’t worry about the race. If you want to do it, then do it and don’t worry about the tme. I guess that’s advice.
Thank you so much, sometimes hearing these things from people who are not directly connected to you helps — a lot.